U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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