Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize