I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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