How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
