just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
