a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
