Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
