she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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