like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
