Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
