Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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