Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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