hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
