...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
