Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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