I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
