the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
