I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize