i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
