I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
