Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
