I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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