Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
