scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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