i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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