the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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