i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
