i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
