Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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