i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
