Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
