I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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