Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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