i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
