The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
