Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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