the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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