She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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