I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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