This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
