If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
