I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
