i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They are going to name an STD after you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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