Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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