He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
