I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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