2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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