You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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