i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
