At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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