I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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