don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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