quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
zippers are such a cool invention
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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