cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
