So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
