The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
