Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
