Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
