This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
