So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
