so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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