drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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