You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
