If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dignity is for republicans.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize