I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to cum in my sink.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
