i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize