I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
