your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
